Atlanta, GA - 15-year-old Haidee Raygoza would demand expensive clothes from her parents.

“I always wanted to be a cool kid, and a popular kid,” she admits. “It sounds so desperate and embarrassing to tell you that I was like this, but it’s true. And I figured that nice things, like clothes for example, would help me very much to get to that point where I was popular.”

“For a while she’d only want her jeans at Express,” says Haidee’s mom Sandra Raygoza. “And you know those jeans are not cheap - they’re like $60 for a pair.”

Like many kids, a part of Haidee’s self worth was based on things - new clothes, the latest fashions, the most popular brands.

Which meant that she always wanted more.

“If you are dependent on things and on external praise, getting your self-worth from the outside world, you kind of become an empty bottom-less pit, it’s never enough,” explains Connect with Kids President, Stacey DeWitt.

A University of Rochester study finds that teens who have meaningful relationships with family and friends and good health are happier and have higher self-esteem, while teens who put a high value on wealth and fame are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.

“Some studies show that if you earn over $150,000 a year as a family, then the chances of your child being depressed or interested in drugs are much higher than if the family earns only the national average, which is about $50,000,” says Peter Whybrow, a psychiatrist and author of “American Mania: When More is Not Enough”.

Haidee’s parents thought she was spoiled - so they sent her to live with her grandparents in Mexico for the summer.

“My grandpa took me to their ranch,” explains Haidee, “and they didn’t have anything at the ranch. They didn’t even have running water. They would bring out the buckets and just shower outside. But everyone is so happy, and just so laid back – and they didn’t have anything over there.”

Haidee says that summer changed her life. On that ranch there was nothing - except family… except people who loved her.

“Maybe I am too young to be saying this, but I feel like I’ve found life,” says Haidee, “I don’t need to look anywhere else. I just know who I am, and for the rest of my life I will be happy and I know where to look.”
Tips for Parents

Numerous studies show that kids who regularly eat dinner with their families are better students, happier, healthier people and less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs. For example, a University of Michigan study of children between the ages of 3 and 12 found that more meal time with the family was the single strongest predictor of better achievement scores and fewer behavioral problems. In fact, time spent eating with one’s family proved even more beneficial than time spent studying or in church.

* In 2003, 61 percent of youths 12 to 17 said they ate dinner with their families at least five nights a week, an increase from 47 percent in 1998.
* In general, children who eat with their families have better nutrition, abuse fewer substances, are less suicidal and have less sex.
* Researchers found that the more frequently kids ate with their parents, the less likely they were to smoke, drink, use marijuana or show signs of depression.
* On September 27, 2004, 400 communities and 42 states proclaimed the date a day to eat dinner with your children. Companies from General Mills to Bristol-Myers Squibb offered employees incentives – in some cases leaving work early – to do so.

For many, family dinners are often far from the ideal bonding experience. Considering the time necessary to prepare a meal, the logistical challenges of getting everyone to the table and the potential for squabbles between siblings and spouses, many parents secretly dread the family dinner. Some parents place kids at opposite ends of the table in an attempt to avoid bickering.

Families should view dinnertime as an opportunity to reconnect, share daily events and strengthen relationships. Thirty-eight percent of family cooks say their children influence food purchases and preparation, so involve your kids in shopping and cooking processes. Some ideas to reap the most benefit from table-time include:

* Stimulate conversation and reduce arguments by making dinnertime special. Distinguish between routine and ritual. Transforming your household with lit candles, music, a tablecloth and one simple, cooked meal for everyone can work wonders.
* Ask yourself, "What am I doing that aggravates dinnertime?" Often, the answer is unnecessary reprimanding. Dinner should not be a control struggle. If kids don't eat their vegetables, let it go.
* Don't allow conversation to be an interrogation regarding school or activities. Ask kids conversation starters like: If you could meet someone from history, who would it be?
* Be creative, especially when kids are young. Try a one-color meal or an alphabet dinner, with every dish beginning with the same letter. Picnic in the living room or even try dining under the table.
* If dinner is too much to handle, try breakfast, or start with just Sunday night.

References

* American Dietetic Association
* U.S. News & World Report
* University of Rochester
* The Wall Street Journal

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